Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
