Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
