My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
