Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
