you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
