just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
