How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
