i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
