can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
