i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
