I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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