My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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