Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
