Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
