You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
