just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
