ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
