Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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