Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
