new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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