Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
