i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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