You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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