Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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