Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
