I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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