I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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