you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
