i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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