I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
