maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
