Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
