i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
