I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Watching her eat just hurts me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
