How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
