my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
