I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
