Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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