His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
