when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
