it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
