Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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