honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
