On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
