I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Non-Jews are for practice
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize