I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
