dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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