Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
