I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
