I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
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I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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