so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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