atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
