that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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