But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
