i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
