He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
