Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
