i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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