I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
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Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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