this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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