i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
