let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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