so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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