today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
