I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think my mom watched the whole time
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
