Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.