i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.