what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey